Well life loves to throw a curved ball to keep me on my toes!!
My son was having a tired and angry time and shouted out ‘Why did you teach me to lie!!?’
After scrapping myself of the floor and really trying to think when and where this ‘crime’ had happened ???? We chatted about this……….
It turns out that from years ago I had told him to not say what he thought but to say something nice. Now here is an example of this. My daughter, his ‘beloved’ (ok I am stretching this by miles!) sister may ask ‘Do I look nice in this?’ my poor son will struggle here as for him:
1. The strappy top is off the shoulders. He hates things not to be straight!!!
2. He has old fashioned views on clothes, where as my daughter is young and love fashion.
3. She drinks and smokes!!! he hates both!! there is a five year gap and his sister is the oldest. Enough said! He’s 20 she’s 25.
4.Fashion doesn’t always fit with my son idea of clothes to wear!
So when the dreaded question is asked, he can explains everything he sees as wrong, from the shoulder strap hanging lower on one side than the other, to his views of how horrible the skirt is! Not what my daughter asked, often, not even asked him but asked me and my son was in the same room! Well we would get meltdowns as he would not understand how being honest (to be fair a value I want to see in any of my children) can be at least painful or at worst seen as out right rude!!
I told my son just to say nothing or if pushed find something he likes to comment on.
Given food or drink when out or sharing a meal at some ones else’s home:
1. Not to demand how or what food to be placed where. This can be a problem as he is sharp about his wishes and this can be seen as demanding!
2. Not to ‘inspect’ the glasses his drink comes in! he struggles with other people not washing up their glasses right.
3. If he dislikes something on his food plate to just leave it without comment.
To him this is lying, to miss out part or all that he really feels is lying.
To not tell a person what he has bought for their birthday or if a night is planned that they don’t know about is lying!
When some one chats away and tells him some gossip to not tell anyone, makes him feel he is holding in a lie!!
So how to help with the burden he feels around these areas seems to be my next task.
If any of you have some nuggets of information, ideas of how to help place it in the comments and help us out 🙂