A hard few months

We have had a hard few months this end, sadly my sons dog Pippa passed away. My son has not come to terms with it at all!
He has started to get depressed and wants to spend far too much time sleeping. I guess we will cope in the end but its hard to see his pain so sad for him. It puts my grief on hold.
Not that there is such things as good news BUT my son was the best with his dog for her last day. He stayed with her right to the end and he buried her. Now I was crying a lot! but he kept saying ‘not now, hold on for Pippa’s sake’ I am blown away by the depth of his compassion, by his strength at such a sad time.
He made Pippa number one, and held her through it all. What a man he is becoming! the love and total control he had that day was far more than me, far stronger than me.
He wrote a lovely note on his Facebook page about his dog as well.
I feel that his love for that wonderful dog has shined up his life in far more ways than I can count.
Now with his loss he has retreated, sad most of the time and needing to learn about bereavement. One step at a time we will get there but for now he needs space, time to heal.
Would I have a dog like her again for a child like him? YES! in a heart beat. He has gained far more from that dog/boy bond than I could ever teach him. Even the sad things like bereavement. Something I would love him not to know but we all know that death comes to everyone and a sad fact that we all have to learn to live with it at points in our lives.

I want Equal Opportunities, not Equality

Just a thought for you all! x

Understanding and Embracing Diversity

Equality and diversity

 

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine a few days ago about basic human rights when she said that ‘for equality to work, people with Special Needs and Disabilities should be treated in exactly the same way as everyone else’. She added that, ‘this means, no special treatments, such as Teaching Assistants in schools, free and accessible parking, and/ or other perks that disabled people have’.

As offensive as this sounds, I believe that she has a point. We should not be campaigning for equality in the purest sense of the word> rather, we should be campaigning for equal opportunities, inclusion and acceptance of diversity. I have previously explained my definition of equality, and why I think it is not the same as fairness (READ HERE). I personally do not want a society where everyone is treated equally. Let me explain:

Having worn glasses…

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Christmas is coming

Now over the years I have got to hate Christmas, as for my son, the changes that this holiday gave were too much for him. I hated the bright lights, loud music, and massive change of routine. My son would have so many melt downs and it got to a place where I not only dreaded the season, but was angry at so many people who just didn’t get what we would go through. At home the tree was a focus of his upset, decorations were torn down as fast as I put them up.
Once while I was moaning to his psychologist about how upset he was over the Christmas holiday. She told me to take off half the tree decorations, stop any flashing lights, stick to his routine (such as it was!) and tell her how that went. I felt I had been pushed aside, no real help give. Still I did what she had said, I took down half the tree’s decorations. I only put the lights on a soft glow for a short while each night. Took down most the rooms decorations and all the shiny ones. I kind of hoped she would be wrong, but you know what….. Magic happened, calm descended on our home. Melt downs were greatly reduced. I had a tree and decorations but these didn’t upset my son! My daughter had decorations up without the whole fights with her brother.
I guess I want to share that just because things have been/can be really hard, doesn’t mean that they will always stay hard. We did a small (in the great scheme of things) change and from that day our Christmas’s have improved. They have become what I wanted, a time of family and peace.
Now the kids are not kids, but in fact young adults, it is easier again. We sit around and plan what we want to do, and eat, who cares if he wants a curry or pancakes! and decorate with mostly happy results. I just want to say if Christmas is a hard time of year for you and your family, seek help, share ideas that help and support families, if you know they are having a hard time.
If you are the one having a hard time, know your not alone and you all do come out the other side, tired, yes, but you come through it. Make small changes that work for you and your family, forget the rest.
Plan with your ASD person in mind and allow yourself time off from trying too hard. That is the best thing I ever did over the Christmas and it has got better and better as the years have rolled on.

When I was young… I was a pop star.

What a great thing. Have a read.

Blackwatertown

Cover Art FynnjanIt’s true. Early morning calls from TV – “Can we come round and film you?” Radio stations. Promotional CDs. Music video. Posters. The lot.

My song was even played at half time Wycombe Wanderers v Cheltenham FC. And that’s the epitome of pop stardom.

OK, OK – I admit it. I’m not talking about myself. I’m looking into the future at the memories that my friend Fynnjan will have. He’s 11 years old, he has Aspergers – and he’s in the midst of an audacious bid to get to Christmas number one with a song he wrote himself. It’s called The Spirit of Christmas.

He spent Wednesday doing that very difficult thing – smiling on cue, again and again, for hours on end – with film cameras glaring surrounded by the main crew and then the “making of” film crew – all braced themselves for “Just one more run…

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Adult children

I some times feel that having an adult child can be really hard. While he has all the ages for anything from marriage to the vote (UK laws) He is not able to do so many day to day things. I get such mixed emotions of where and how to get him to gain skills. Where is the line between his choice and my wish for him to gain in life skills and independence?
WOW! I think that it can be harder now than when he was a child.
What’s your views? How do you feel an adult should progress? I would love to hear from you.
My son always seems keen at first and then after a few weeks we go down hill, not back to the beginning but not far off.
To gain a balance is hard work. How do you cope? Drop me a line I would love to know your views.

Autistic as a Reclaimed Word

A thoughtful read and holds true. Thank you Musings of an Aspie.

Musings of an Aspie

Most adults on the spectrum prefer to be called autistic, rather than a person with autism or a person who has autism. The general consensus is that autism is not a separable entity. To be “with” something or to “have” something implies that we might somehow be able to rid ourselves of that thing and still be the same person, much like someone who has been cured of a physical illness.

I have always been autistic and always will be. If I was not autistic, I would be a completely different person. My autistic neurology affects how I experience the world and how the world experiences me. I am autistic. This feels very simple and logical to me.

It is not, however, always as simple for others. I’ve noticed that a lot of people in the autism community (which is different from the Autistic community) find the use…

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Help wanted L.I.L.Y

Today I have a quick post. Some things in life just are, if any of you out there can knit a few squares and post them to this group we will be truly grateful.
Each square you can send becomes some thing so important to these children and their families. When it is cold here it is freezing! Living in a tent with no personal belongings and having to cope with the cold and the shock of not only what you have seen and heard but living in a camp is no fun.
Each square you can send adds hugs to each child that gets a blanket.
Please find time to help.
https://www.facebook.com/LilyLoveInTheLanguageOfYarn?hc_location=stream
I am knitting squares and these ladies are some thing else! together we can make a difference.
We meet weekly and knit and sew blankets, BUT the more that help means less cold children this winter!
People help from around the world and you can help too.
https://www.facebook.com/LilyLoveInTheLanguageOfYarn?hc_location=stream
Enough said, time to help. Check out the page and then send what you can. If nothing else please share with blogs and tell family and friends.
Thank you