Lies all lies!!

Well life loves to throw a curved ball to keep me on my toes!!

My son was having a tired and angry time and shouted out ‘Why did you teach me to lie!!?’

After scrapping myself of the floor and really trying to think when and where this ‘crime’ had happened ???? We chatted about this……….

It turns out that from years ago I had told him to not say what he thought but to say something nice. Now here is an example of this. My daughter, his ‘beloved’ (ok I am stretching this by miles!) sister may ask ‘Do I look nice in this?’ my poor son will struggle here as for him:

1. The strappy top is off the shoulders. He hates things not to be straight!!!

2. He has old fashioned views on clothes, where as my daughter is young and love fashion.

3. She drinks and smokes!!! he hates both!! there is a five year gap and his sister is the oldest. Enough said! He’s 20 she’s 25.

4.Fashion doesn’t always fit with my son idea of clothes to wear!

So when the dreaded question is asked, he can explains everything he sees as wrong, from the shoulder strap hanging lower on one side than the other, to his views of how horrible the skirt is! Not what my daughter asked, often, not even asked him but asked me and my son was in the same room! Well we would get meltdowns as he would not understand how being honest (to be fair a value I want to see in any of my children) can be at least painful or at worst seen as out right rude!!

I told my son just to say nothing or if pushed find something he likes to comment on.

Given food or drink when out or sharing a meal at some ones else’s home:

1. Not to demand how or what food to be placed where. This can be a problem as he is sharp about his wishes and this can be seen as demanding!

2. Not to ‘inspect’ the glasses his drink comes in! he struggles with other people not washing up their glasses right.

3. If he dislikes something on his food plate to just leave it without comment.

To him this is lying, to miss out part or all that he really feels is lying.

To not tell a person what he has bought for their birthday or if a night is planned that they don’t know about is lying!

When some one chats away and tells him some gossip to not tell anyone, makes him feel he is holding in a lie!!

So how to help with the burden he feels around these areas seems to be my next task.

If any of you have some nuggets of information, ideas of how to help place it in the comments and help us out 🙂

Food fads and manners: How I got my son over this.

I will be the first to say I am blessed with a son who loves food. He is a good cook, and he can taste food and understand what is missing. For my son, he sees tastes in a kind of 3D; he just understands if it is a strong flavour or a subtle small flavour that is missing and more importantly how and what to add to create the balance to the over-all taste of the dish.
When my son was around three, he hated many food things and really could not mix textures or wet things such as gravy with dry such as peas. Now for a while there I met that need but soon realized that unless we wanted this for life, it was up to me to help him through this. I broke this down into bite size challenges. First off, I found a nice plate that had sections, so I could place things into each section. The rule I set here was, that even if he didn’t like something that he just had to leave it on the plate in the section it was in. Now nothing in life is easy, and at first we got the plate thrown around, and meltdowns over the change. However, I kept things calm (I was a real bag of nerves, inside) I would cook his favourite foods to help this change. Then I would leave just one small piece of something new or something he did not like such as a slice of carrot all alone in a section of the plate. The rule here was if you don’t like it leave it. This I found as a great way to built-up skills that he can take on throughout his life. My thinking behind this issue is you are an adult far longer than a sweet little boy, and if you eat out or somewhere else you need to be able just leave it on your plate without a fuss. Over all this worked well, and I think took us around four months to get passed the worst bit. I have to say the bad bits were bad! I had the odd day where the walls wore the food. I had days where I wore the food, but I kept going staying strong in the hope for the end result. On to this we worked forward to add on things like gravy and more and more different types of food. Even the change from ‘baby spoons’ to toddler cutlery then on to family cutlery and plates all took time. Please understand I more than allowed for his freedom of choice, and we had good days, days that stayed the same and even backwards steps.
Today, my son can eat or leave any food without a big fuss, most the time! He cooks really well and has a unique talent with food, a long way from the days of meltdowns every meal time.
So to you guys out there that may be on the start of the journey, hold on. Help the child to change and grow. Any child we have we are working towards giving them independence and being able to achieve in life, sometimes without realising, and so we should try to help our children with Asperger’s at least to the same level if not higher to have skills that others just manage, remember it can be a real disadvantage if they are still only eating baby food as an adult.