we have moved!

Now as many of you understand moving is far from easy for our Aspies. The change is hard for everyone but so much harder if you like things to stay the same and you feel safe in your comfort zone.

The move was big! a new country! a few days driving to get there!!

My hat goes off to my son who really not only kept it together for the whole drive but also for the few weeks of mad packing. For me the hard bit was getting him to keep things. You see the throw his heart and soul into sorting and throwing everything away. I found it so hard to get him to keep things he may want later on. That is 180 degrees turn around from normal and looking back it should have rang an alarm bell. He was ‘coping’ far too well. I was so wrapped up in the move and the packing I lost sight of how he was feeling.

We had talked a lot about the move before hand, now that was good but the reality is so different. The stress he was feeling was bottled up. If you like it was showing in the way he throw everything out!! I just failed to connect the dots.

Now we have been here for around one month and the stress is showing. So we are working on de-stress, this is with massage, structured days, plenty of talking about subjects he loves. Getting a new doctor who understands my son and his medication. Allowing for the days when he is low.

There is an up side 🙂 we have a few really…. 🙂

  1. Showering has become a no problem area. Now I have waited a long time for that to happen!
  2. Working on his online courses, that has become a really good out let and he has fallen in love with computer languages. The hard bit is how to get him to stop working and have down time.
  3. A new doctor that cares and knows what they are on about! the good bit is I really think he is getting the care he needs and both my son and the doctor are doing a medication review 🙂 🙂
  4. The chance to change his daily routine to one that offers adult structure for his day. As he throw out nearly all his childhood things.
  5.  For my son one benefit is faster internet speed.
  6. He has his own bathroom.

So while we have a lot of changes, some planned, some not. He is working well through them and I hope we see more personal growth towards adult life and interests. For now we will work on settling into a new home and having structure allowing for my son to settle.

Lies all lies!!

Well life loves to throw a curved ball to keep me on my toes!!

My son was having a tired and angry time and shouted out ‘Why did you teach me to lie!!?’

After scrapping myself of the floor and really trying to think when and where this ‘crime’ had happened ???? We chatted about this……….

It turns out that from years ago I had told him to not say what he thought but to say something nice. Now here is an example of this. My daughter, his ‘beloved’ (ok I am stretching this by miles!) sister may ask ‘Do I look nice in this?’ my poor son will struggle here as for him:

1. The strappy top is off the shoulders. He hates things not to be straight!!!

2. He has old fashioned views on clothes, where as my daughter is young and love fashion.

3. She drinks and smokes!!! he hates both!! there is a five year gap and his sister is the oldest. Enough said! He’s 20 she’s 25.

4.Fashion doesn’t always fit with my son idea of clothes to wear!

So when the dreaded question is asked, he can explains everything he sees as wrong, from the shoulder strap hanging lower on one side than the other, to his views of how horrible the skirt is! Not what my daughter asked, often, not even asked him but asked me and my son was in the same room! Well we would get meltdowns as he would not understand how being honest (to be fair a value I want to see in any of my children) can be at least painful or at worst seen as out right rude!!

I told my son just to say nothing or if pushed find something he likes to comment on.

Given food or drink when out or sharing a meal at some ones else’s home:

1. Not to demand how or what food to be placed where. This can be a problem as he is sharp about his wishes and this can be seen as demanding!

2. Not to ‘inspect’ the glasses his drink comes in! he struggles with other people not washing up their glasses right.

3. If he dislikes something on his food plate to just leave it without comment.

To him this is lying, to miss out part or all that he really feels is lying.

To not tell a person what he has bought for their birthday or if a night is planned that they don’t know about is lying!

When some one chats away and tells him some gossip to not tell anyone, makes him feel he is holding in a lie!!

So how to help with the burden he feels around these areas seems to be my next task.

If any of you have some nuggets of information, ideas of how to help place it in the comments and help us out 🙂

How to help someone else have self-motivation ?

I would love to hear from others on how to self motivate. Where do you start? You see the thing I am thinking is that my son lacks this really important area of self-development. If I nag or talk him into it, things get done, but the minute I stop he goes back to the same old same old!
He is 19 now, and I am not getting any younger! I worry about what the future holds for him. He just can’t stay the same for ever. I am his only support, and this is the disadvantage of living in a country where there is no help at all for him. To even find a therapist we are talking about a drive of an hour each way, which I would do but something he will not do.
I know that I could be over worrying but as a Mum, I do. I just can’t get him to see that some things have to change. I always believed that for true change to happen, it has to be by their own thought process, not just a supported change but one that holds value and enables you to go forward has to be from within. I do think we have to support that change to happen, even with a lot of help, but for real change it should be taken on and continued by them.
What do you think? Drop a comment and let me know.
I do get so worried about this!