we have moved!

Now as many of you understand moving is far from easy for our Aspies. The change is hard for everyone but so much harder if you like things to stay the same and you feel safe in your comfort zone.

The move was big! a new country! a few days driving to get there!!

My hat goes off to my son who really not only kept it together for the whole drive but also for the few weeks of mad packing. For me the hard bit was getting him to keep things. You see the throw his heart and soul into sorting and throwing everything away. I found it so hard to get him to keep things he may want later on. That is 180 degrees turn around from normal and looking back it should have rang an alarm bell. He was ‘coping’ far too well. I was so wrapped up in the move and the packing I lost sight of how he was feeling.

We had talked a lot about the move before hand, now that was good but the reality is so different. The stress he was feeling was bottled up. If you like it was showing in the way he throw everything out!! I just failed to connect the dots.

Now we have been here for around one month and the stress is showing. So we are working on de-stress, this is with massage, structured days, plenty of talking about subjects he loves. Getting a new doctor who understands my son and his medication. Allowing for the days when he is low.

There is an up side 🙂 we have a few really…. 🙂

  1. Showering has become a no problem area. Now I have waited a long time for that to happen!
  2. Working on his online courses, that has become a really good out let and he has fallen in love with computer languages. The hard bit is how to get him to stop working and have down time.
  3. A new doctor that cares and knows what they are on about! the good bit is I really think he is getting the care he needs and both my son and the doctor are doing a medication review 🙂 🙂
  4. The chance to change his daily routine to one that offers adult structure for his day. As he throw out nearly all his childhood things.
  5.  For my son one benefit is faster internet speed.
  6. He has his own bathroom.

So while we have a lot of changes, some planned, some not. He is working well through them and I hope we see more personal growth towards adult life and interests. For now we will work on settling into a new home and having structure allowing for my son to settle.

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Odd seems to be the normal for now.

My poor son has just got a cold on top of a cold! and he has just started to get over this one, and then had a really bad cold or flu! the problem is he hates tablets and will not have cough medicine, throat sweets, or steam! so we get one ill person, who I wish just for once (for his health) would take anything to help. So we have been bouncing around colds for over a month now. He gets a bit better and down he goes again.
I now have him on really fresh homemade soups (that gets the vegetables into him!) balanced of other things and just trying to build up his poor body’s resistance to the colds! Yes, I am getting him to dress warmly, but getting some fresh air. He now will allow a vapour rub so that is good.
So if any of you out there have any useful tips or ideas of what I can do to help, please let me know!

Positives points to Aspergers

Positive things my son finds with having Asperger’s.

1. Independent thinking:
He can see possibilities that I could only wish to see. I hope this skill will guide him on the path to employment and knowing my son this will be freelance or to be self-employed.
2. Details:
He sees small details that we could over look and just works at them diligently until they have been done. You should see him weed a garden! That is why he hates the job he feels he can’t stop until every weed is out!
3. Stating the truth:
He tells it as it is, and the hard bit is to help him not to offend others and yes some times myself……. The truth can hurt!
4. Friendships:
He sees all friendships as genuine and holds a firm belief that they all should be. It takes him a long time to let go of a friendship that is just not worth the hurt to him.
5. Values:
He has high values that he holds on to and keeps. He wants this in others around him and finds if there are different values he is a little lost.
6. Interests:
He has the ability to have laser sharp focus on his interests. Interests can and do hold his attention and absorb him for hours.
7. Bluntness:
He can say what needs to be said without the bullshit and tiptoeing around the subject.
8. Memory:
He has the most in-depth memory for the smallest thing on a film and can record these years later. He can also do this around things that he remembers years later. The film one is easier to follow as we can see it, but the memory one is harder as only he can see it.
9. Empathy:
He has a deep ability to have empathy with all things. This can lead to being over whelmed; he just cares too much! He hates and cannot watch anything cruel and just wades in to stop it, making often, more trouble for him.
10. 3D thinking:
My son thinks in pictures, and these are multi-sensory images, and he can add more information with logic and valuable perspectives. This has the ability to add more possibilities and is faster than verbal thinking. I can only dream of having half of this ability.

So I hope this may help anyone who wonders or just thinks of the negatives of Asperger’s. All people are individual, and we all bring to this life, skills that we can use and share.

Freindship part three…. When to stop talking!

I came across a useful article on line that is worth a read and has some really good pointers for the person with Asperger’s and close family to try. One of the things I find hard is how to help my son understand when the other person has lost interest or wants to change the subject while he is in full stride. In this article, it starts to cover this area at least the basics to build an interest in what to look out for when the person is getting bored. Its introduction to the signs of loss of interest by the listener; that can be a golden nugget! You can build on this and start to encourage the person with Asperger’s to see more examples in their world. I really liked the list of what makes a good friend. It is to the point and short but holds the values of friendships.
The site is:
http://www.autism.org.uk/news-and-events/news-archive/5-may/free-article-about-making-friends.aspx

Check it out and tell me what you think, and if you found it useful